Jokes with a Dundee FC flavour…
(Please don’t take offence; it’s just a bit of fun)
How can you tell when Dundee FC are losing?
It’s five-past-three on a Saturday.
What have a Dundee Goalie and Michael Jackson got in common?
They both wear gloves for no apparent reason.
Why is a Dundee Striker like a Jigsaw?
They both go to pieces in the box.
How many Dundee fans does it take to change a light bulb?
Three
One to change the bulb, one to throw his scarf and season ticket away when United’s light bulb shines brighter, and one to drive them back to the hospital.
How many Dundee supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
Never enough
(Submitted by Tactful Sheik)
A Dundee United fan was walking down the road one day, when he noticed a lamp in the bushes.
He picked up the lamp and in doing so, he accidently rubbed it.
Suddenly, a genie popped out.
“Thank you” said the genie.
The United fan asked the genie if he was entitled to three wishes.
“Yes, but for every wish granted, all Dundee fans get double”
Obviously annoyed at this, the United fan said “OK for my first wish I would like a Ferrari F40”.
“Wish granted and now all Dundee fans have 2 Ferrari F40’s” said the genie.
“For my second wish I would like £10 million,” said the United fan.
“Wish granted and now all Dundee fans have £20 million each,” said the genie.
The United fan then paused for moment and then said, “For my third wish, I would like one kidney removed”
A source inside Camelot, the lottery people, has revealed that a man from Dundee was a recent winner in the nation’s favourite weekly gamble.
The lucky chap was delighted to announce that he had spent his winnings on a new player for his beloved Dundee.
He said, “If my three numbers come up and win me a tenner again, I’ll gladly buy them another!”
(Submitted by bvw1909)
Three football fans are in a church, praying for their teams.
The first one asks, “Oh Lord, when will Scotland win the World Cup?”.
God Replies, “In one hundred years”
“But I’ll be dead by then”, says the man.
The second one asks, “Oh Lord, when will a Scottish club actually doing something in Europe?”.
The Good Lord answers, “In five hundred years”.
“But I’ll be dead by then”, says the man.
The third one asks, “Oh Lord, when will Dundee win the Scottish Premier League?”.
God Answers,”I’ll be dead by then!”
The seven dwarfs are involved in a mining accident, the roof collapses and they are all buried alive.
After several hours of frantic digging the rescue team hear a faint cry:
“Dundee are fantastic, Dundee are fantastic.”
The rescue team leader turns to his assistant and says
“At least we know Dopey is still alive!”
If you’ve got anymore football jokes, email them in to the site at dundeeunited@vitalfootball.co.uk
If you’ve got anymore jokes, email them in to the site editor@dundeeunited.vitalfootball.co.uk